I’m in love with a meth addict. I’m so confused as I’m not even sure if everything is just a lie! I struggle between cutting him off completely or whether that would be wrong since God never turns his back on us. He lies about everything and I no longer feel safe sleeping with him as I believe he hooks up with strangers in random hotels. I can’t believe that after surviving being attacked by a stranger, homelessness, family member being murdered, etc etc.. that at my most broken state I met him, the man I thought God had sent to be my husband, to love me.. a single Pastor (I wasn’t too crazy about him being a pastor) but I fell in love with HIM the man (not his title). I broke a 5 yr celibacy and even smoked with him a couple of times..I feel so ashamed! ..Only to realize the grip that meth has on him is deeper than I’d ever imagined. I lived a pretty sheltered life (from drugs anyway)..now I feel broken beyond repair. A part of me feels like I can’t turn my back on him love covers a multitude of sin but when I look into his eyes I no longer see the man I love..I see a sex crazed stranger that I don’t even know if he EVER cared for me..or was it all the meth. Talking to him is like talking to a selfish, paranoid, narcissistic brick wall!. I don’t judge him. my heart breaks for him. I know what it’s like to be addicted as I have struggled with breaking a gambling addiction. I feel so alone. For years (before I knew about his addiction) he had me followed. I’ve totally isolated myself from friends and family. Because of his profession I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with anyone as I love him and am not trying to destroy him or his church.. I feel so confused, betrayed, bamboozled and foolish! The story of my life.. But I’m praying that God will reveal the purpose of this .. Im glad I came across your blog. Thank you! God Bless you!

About Carlee Walker

My name is Carlee and I'm a meth addict. I've been clean for nine years and celebrating normal life. Yes, a meth addict can have a normal life and the addiction can be like a scar on the knee. AND you don't have to face your addiction alone! Jesus has already promised to help us if we just call on Him - and my life is now fulfilling thanks to Him. Come, journey with me. Share with me. Grow with me. Together, we can celebrate normal life.