I’m sitting here reflecting a half hour out from 9 years clean from meth. Life is so much better.
In some ways I wish I hadn’t quit on a big event day like New Year’s. It makes it easy to remember and easy to count the years by, but it makes the scar a little sore every time it comes around. No matter what I’m doing or how much fun I’m having (or honestly, now that I’m a full-time mom, it’s what I think about before crashing into bed early) it always comes up in the back of my mind and interjects my festivities with outside emotions. Huh?
Tonight, I celebrated New Years for the first time with my new church family. It was WONDERFUL – good food, games with the kids, a fire with s’mores, no one drinking, no one ruining the evening, and no drama. It was really relaxing and fun. But sitting off to the side feeding my baby, it crept into my mind…. I remembered events, feeling sick over losses all over again, feeling accomplished, feeling disgusted, just feelings that I wouldn’t be feeling if I hadn’t added that chapter to my life.
Then I reach for God’s hand again and embrace normal life. I embrace the opportunity of spending the evening with my church family and enjoy the good food and games with my family. I’m going to sleep really well tonight and not worry about the hangover or the headache. I have a relationship with God that points me to a more fulfilled life and a future beyond this world. Most important, I am forgiven and don’t live my life with the guilt from the things I did when I was high; the bad and horrible decisions I made. I am so blessed, and I thank God for that! I would not have any of this if meth was still in my life.
Maybe you are sitting here reading this wishing for a normal life – wishing for the drama to end and to feel peace. Are you tired of feeling drained and exhausted all the time? Are you done living on the edge? Do you feel like you’ve lost control? You know, you could decide right now that you are ready to start normal life. You could take the first step, if you wanted. You could ask God right now for His hand and start taking steps toward normal life. My baby just went walking around hanging onto both my legs, to hanging onto my finger, to walking around on his own. Friend, it’s time to learn to walk again.
It’s now ten minutes before I’m 9 years sober. Stay with me. I’m wanting to help you through this next year and maybe you can be sitting here with me saying ‘I have a year clean’. I’m going to sign off now and go join my men on the couch to watch the countdown to 2016.