Have you been drug tested at work? Either for a random test or a test due suspicion?
I have – AND IT WASN’T FUN. Especially since I was HIGH. What a day (shaking my head).
It was late summer. I was doing secretarial work for a company – I was with Jack – and in my second term of meth addiction (see my meth time line). I was high and drunk A LOT and my job performance was starting to crumble.
I had just come back from lunch. I was super high and stoned at the same time. What a hot mess I was! I felt like everyone was looking at me, I could barely concentrate on the computer screen, and I’m sure I was clenching my jaw and picking at myself. I felt huge pressure from my boss on some projects that I just couldn’t focus enough to complete so I’m sure I was wasting my time organizing my desk for the 1 millionth time. VERY TYPICAL tweaker.
Then I received a call from the main secretary asking to see me in her office. I didn’t like her much anyways so my anxiety and rage was immediately ignited. I headed over to her office – sweating and churning over what on earth she would want me for – after all, I was busy doing nothing and didn’t need interruptions like this. She asked me to close the door – which is never good. A small part of me wishes I could be a fly and see what I must have looked like that day sitting in her office – would I recognize myself?
She was straight forward that there was some concern with the other employees that I was using drugs. WHAT?!? R-I-D-I- C-U-L-O-U-S. That is just crazy thinking! Why is everyone picking on me? Why don’t they understand that I’m trying to handle a lot of pressure from not getting my work done and doing meth in the bathroom? It’s so hard to sneak and do meth at work, and it takes time away from answering the phone and a million questions presented to me! I’m under so much pressure that this just might crack me!
She remained calm while I did not. I decided that now was the best time to throw my boss (her co-worker) under the bus and tell her that he had HIRED ME knowing that I was stoned (that’s another horrible story I’ll share another time). She didn’t even blink and just asked me to wait there until the testing company arrived. I was crawling out of my skin. I needed some more meth bad (because that’s a good idea right before a drug test) but she wouldn’t even let me use the bathroom until the tester had shown up.
It seemed like forever before this man showed up in her office. He gave me some basic instructions that I don’t remember and walked me to the bathroom with everyone watching. He stood outside the door while I went in – and peed my way right out of the job. Of course, they didn’t get the results right away and I was sent to my desk to ‘get some work done.’ It’s pretty impossible to concentrate NOW after taking a positive drug test so I did the smartest thing, and started looking for jobs.
Believe it or not, that day I found a job working at a thoroughbred horse stable cleaning stalls. Might not be glamorous to you, but this was a dream job for me! I immediately applied – begging them to higher me. I heard right back from them and I think it was the next day after work that I went for my interview. I know how to handle horses and a rake so I was hired right then. I couldn’t believe my luck.
So, when my boss called me in and explained they would have to let me go, I was ecstatic to tell him that I’m cool with that because I had already found another job – a DREAM job, at that!!!
However, it still wasn’t a good day. Being able to throw back in his face that I was going because I had found a job shoveling horse manure didn’t make the humiliating situation any easier. I know that it would spread throughout the company that their suspicions were confirmed – I was a meth addict. It looked like I was smart, organized, and showed promise but it was blotted out by an ugly habit. I felt like a loser. I started by giving them two weeks’ notice but the barn wanted me to start early so I ended up finishing in a week.
Even though it wasn’t my favorite job, it was still a job lost to meth addiction.
I feel like the text found in Matthew 5:13 applied to me in this situation, “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.”
But now I know that I am much more than that. Matthew 5 continues to say, “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven.” I hope you see through my blog posts how much God has done for me by lifting me out of this devil of an addiction. And I want you to know that you can have this hope and you too can be free from its grasp.
My recommended reading for this blog is called “Grace-Based Recovery” by Jonathan Doughtery; insights on building the best environment for lifelong freedom from addiction. Lifelong freedom is the most desirable outcome to living the normal life.
And hopefully prevent you from peeing your way out of a job.