Who are you going to tell first?

You are you going to tell first? This could be a really hard question to answer especially if you’ve been able to keep it a secret from everyone. Or have you? Do you think people around you know think something is up but they don’t know what it is? Do you think that the people around you are watching you? Hummmmmm.

Well, speaking from experience, I promise there is a sense of relief when you spill the beans and tell someone close that you have a problem with meth. I’ll share with you my experience and then you can tell me what you think….

My first person I told every that I was addicted to meth was my dad. I don’t know if he had any idea if anything was up or not with me because he had been the sounding-board for many of the meth fights with Mark. I’m sure he had to have noticed the dramatic weight loss and unusual behavior but he never said anything. So, tell him felt like I was telling him something new.

It was early in the morning – I think on a Wednesday if I remember right. When I say early, I mean that it was probably around 7am. Mark and I had already been in a crazy meth fight that morning while getting ready for work. Mark had walked out the door screaming at me that if I was still there when he got home from work, he was going to kill me. I knew deep down that it was time to end this. I remember sobbing as he slammed the door and left. I went for my phone and did the next natural thing – I called my dad. Instead of answering the phone with a ‘hello,’ he answered, ‘what’s going on?’ I blurted out that I needed help and I was addicted to meth. Friend, it was instant relief – I felt like a shaken carbonated drink just exploded.

Maybe you can relate to this but a lot of the relief came just because for the first time I wasn’t lying about what was going on. I had several people confront me asking me if I was on drugs or not and you HAVE to lie when you’re on meth, right? No, of course I’m not on drugs (as my jaw is clenching and un-clenching, my fingers are picking at themselves, my size 0 frame is vibrating in my shoes, and the question sends me into irate irritation). I promise you in those situations, I don’t know of one meth addict who would say, ‘of course I’m on meth – why do you ask?’ In fact, some of our crazy meth fighting with was about the fact that I was freaking out that people were asking me if I was on meth and I really wanted to quit. LOL, I remember Mark telling me that meth isn’t the problem that I just needed to hold it together better. Right?

So, while sobbing, the truth came out. Honestly, it didn’t matter at that moment what my dad’s response was – I sure felt better. But I guess I knew that it would nothing but loving and supportive. Maybe he was relieved that I was finally taking the first step. He very gently took control of the situation and started telling me what to do. And, of course, I did it. He told me that I was going to his house, to pack enough stuff for a couple of days, and that I needed to get on the road and get into town because there was a snow storm coming. Then he told me something that would chill me – I needed to tell my boss. My boss, one of the people I had been lying to the last couple of months. I couldn’t – but he told me I had to. He told me that I needed to do it right away because I was going to have to call in sick for the next couple of days and that he deserved the truth.

Is there someone in your life that deserves to know the truth? Someone you’ve been lying to that has accepted your lies? My dad had never asked me if I had been on meth so I hadn’t lied to him (making it easier) but to have to call my boss and tell him chilled me to the bone. He wasn’t the nicest man.

I dialed my boss. How I wished he wouldn’t answer – but he did. He didn’t take it so well and he was MAD. But it was the second step in doing the right thing. The steps it takes to get out of the hole that you’ve dug ARE NOT NECESSARILY EASY, but NECESSARY.

Friend, telling someone and getting support, I think, should be your first step. It’s hard to stop the avalanche that meth is doing to your life, but the way to stop it is taking steps – the first step, the second step, etc.

You might be reading this feeling at your lowest – anger and bitterness may be filling your gut. Maybe you are downright scared to take any steps away from meth fearing that its claws will dig in deeper. It WILL be a fight to get normal life back but THERE IS HOPE, friend, THERE IS HOPE!!! With God, with support, with a plan, with steps, you new life will appear before you. And over time, meth will be just a scar.

My final thought is a text speaking to those who feel lost. I felt lost when I realized that meth wasn’t doing me any favors and my life was in an avalanche. It’s found in Luke 19:10, “For the Son of Man (Jesus) has come to SEEK and to SAVE that which was lost.”

So, who are you going to tell first?
Till next time, peace.

About Carlee Walker

My name is Carlee and I'm a meth addict. I've been clean for nine years and celebrating normal life. Yes, a meth addict can have a normal life and the addiction can be like a scar on the knee. AND you don't have to face your addiction alone! Jesus has already promised to help us if we just call on Him - and my life is now fulfilling thanks to Him. Come, journey with me. Share with me. Grow with me. Together, we can celebrate normal life.