Accidents happen but when accidents happen and you’re tweaking, it can get serious fast. When you’re not thinking when you should be, you end up paying for it in the end. I’m lucky that it’s only a sore back.
It was a cold, January day, and I was out in our arena with the horses. Mark was down in the garage tweaking on something, and I was playing with the horses and throwing rocks out of the arena. The wind was whipping around and the horses were playful and skittish – I (stupidly) was focused on the rocks. I was down in a corner of the arena and the horses excitedly trotted over to say ‘hi’ and investigate what I was doing. Then everything went blank.
I picked my face up out of the ground and slowly rolled to my side. My head hurt and my back was killing me. I had been trampled. I was stunned especially since it had happened so fast, and scared that I didn’t know how long I had been laying there. I got to my knees and used the fence to get myself on my feet. I hurt from head to toe! I tried catching my breath but I was hurting and I was pretty scared. I knew I needed help so I got myself through the fence and stumbled down to the garage to Mark. Wow, I wasn’t expecting the response I got.
I was an absolute mess when I stumbled around the corner into the garage and called for him. He turned and looked at me. ‘What in the hell is wrong with you?’ was his first question. I started to say I didn’t know and that….. well, he freaked out on me. He was tweaking hard and at this point, it would take nothing to send him into a rage. What happened? How was I hurt? Are the horses okay? Are the horses out? Did I close the gate? Do I need to go to the hospital because we can’t go because we just did a bunch of meth? Why was I telling him and just not going into the house to lay down? What did I expect him to do? Man, just in writing this I can hear is angry voice and my stomach gets tight. I don’t miss those days.
I was totally disoriented and feeling faint. Going inside and taking a shower sounded like a good idea and so I left leaving him still screaming questions. I did a self exam in the bathroom and besides my cheek feeling bruised, my head pounding, and my back killing me, I was surprised to find dirt in my underwear but no other physical issues. I barely got out of the shower and I couldn’t’ stay awake; I had been up for days tweaking and the adrenaline from the accident had worn off. I just wanted to sleep. I laid down on the bed and was out cold. If you know anything about concussions, you know sleep is NOT what you are supposed to do.
It was dark when I woke up with Mark asking me if I was going to call our friend to have her bring us some more dope. My head hurt so bad and my back was on fire, but I called. She was on her way to get the bag and would be at our house soon. Mark said he would make something to eat and told me to have a drink – not water, of course. He told me that a line would make me feel better when it arrived. He was mad that he had to do all the horse-chores by himself that night.
We tweaked all night. No, it didn’t make me feel better. The world spun around me and the pain was intense. I just went along with it in a cloud. I felt like I was frozen up inside.
After pulling an all-nighter, the next morning I felt spun out and in a lot of pain. I knew I needed help. I was in bad shape. I didn’t dare say anything to Mark but I thought I should tell someone so I called my grandma. I told her that I had been trampled by the horses and that my back and my head really hurt. Of course, I couldn’t tell her about being strung out because I didn’t know if the deep sick feeling I had was from all the drugs or from my head and back. She appropriately FREAKED out and told me she wanted me at the hospital as soon as possible. I was not to do anything expect go to the hospital. Good idea.
I was shaking in my boots when I approached Mark and told him that grandma thought I needed to go to the hospital. He freaked out because he thought I had told her about the drugs and I assured him that I hadn’t; I just didn’t feel right. He was mad that I was going to ruin his Sunday but he said to get ready. He was mad that he thought we would sit in the waiting room at the ER, and he was mad about having to driving after pulling an all-nighter. He was mad about a lot of things. Always.
The whole trip to the hospital he was going on and on about making sure that I didn’t accidentally say that we used dope, just play it cool, he was sure I didn’t need to stay the night, and my insurance better pay for it. We got the hospital and I went up to register. I told them I had been trampled the day before by our horses and they got me RIGHT IN! Accidents involving horses are considered very serious and it bumped me to first in line.
Oh man, the fear in me when the doctors and nurses were doing their examination. I knew they would figure out I was on drugs but I was in pain and felt sick so I was relieved that I was finally getting some help. They gave me some pain medicine and told me that I was going to have a MRI. I fell asleep during the MRI.
After the MRI, the doctor told me that I had a minor concussion and I was really lucky that it wasn’t worse. My back was just sore – not broke or anything – and he expected that it would eventually heal. He gave me some pain medicine and told me how to monitor my concussion. He gave me a doctor’s note so I could have a few days off from work, and released me.
At this point, I needed a line BAD. We pulled over in a Carl’s Jr. parking lot and did a big bump to get us home.
(Shaking my head)
I had a concussion; I had no business sleeping, I had no business doing drugs or drinking alcohol, and I should have been to the hospital to be checked out that same day. I thank God that my injuries weren’t worse. My head is okay but still today I deal with pain in my back.
When you are lost in meth addiction, you just don’t think straight, act appropriately, or be responsible. Yeah, you might feel invincible and alive but you are speeding up your death and leaving yourself open for a major accident. I could have been killed by the beast that I love the most or lived permanently disabled and full of regret. So I am very thankful that instead I can share this experience with you and hope that you see there is way more to life than meth. I’m not saying that accidents only happen to meth addicts (obviously not) but I’m saying meth PLUS accident is just plain stupid. The accident event can be made ten-times worse when meth is in the picture.
I want to share with you an important spiritual aspect to my story to give you another perspective. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reads, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit which are God’s.” God gave us these amazing, complicated, delicate, wonderfully-made bodies that we think we can abuse and kill at our will. God want’s SO MUCH to get you out of addiction and back to the road of health so your mind will be clear to make the best choices, so your body can experience all the fun and wonderful things life has to offer, and your spirit (conscious thoughts) will be able to discern and deepen. You were bought for a price! Jesus loves YOU so much that He died for you! Now is not too late to stop killing yourself with meth and get back to living life! Don’t end up with a life of additional regret by paying for the results of an accident coupled with stupidly.
Till next time, peace.