How did you first do meth? Pipe? Line? Some other way I don’t know about? Don’t remember? Well, I remember my first time like it was yesterday and I share it with you to see if you can relate, and to educate those who don’t know. When I remember, I shudder… what on earth did I do? And then my head hangs because of the potential future health consequences. Sigh.
Mark and I just came home after our first ‘pick-up’ on a deserted desert road on a freezing cold, January day. He was excited. I had never seen him like this before; he was smiling, joking, and looking at me with assurance and confidence. He told me that I was going to love the way I was about to feel. I was scared but really curious about what could make me feel so good and have Mark so excited. We went into the house and dumped our stuff on the couch, and then he said he was going to set it up. He was mumbling about wishing he had a pipe or a mirror or something while he rummaged through the kitchen. I sat at the counter just watching with intense curiosity and wonder watching him and looking at the small coin-bag that was half full of white/clear chunks of ‘stuff.’ He found what he was looking for – aluminum foil – and brought it to the counter. He tore off a long piece and folded it in half. Then he cut a straw down to about 3 inches, and poured out a small amount of the meth onto the foil in the crease of the fold. Using a lighter, he held up the foil and proceeded to light the flame under the foil and magically the chunks began to meltdown into a liquid that ran down the crease. He stopped and it hardened while it cooled. Then he looked at me and smiled.
He said he would show me and that it was easy; he was going to light it again, and using the straw, just suck up gently the smoke that is going to burn off. And he showed me. He stared into my eyes as he exhaled the thick smoke back out of his nose and mouth. I remember him smiling and said that it already felt so good and now it was my turn. He held the foil and worked the lighter for me while I took hold of the straw. He started the lighter and immediately the smoke started to rise off the liquid. I gently sucked in and felt my mouth and lungs fill with the smoke. I quickly stopped and held it as long as I could – like he had shown me and I coughed it out. He laughed and said I did really well for my first time. He took another hit showing me more techniques and tricks and held in the smoke a lot longer before releasing it. He was changing before my eyes. My turn again and I held onto the smoke longer. Now I feel myself changing. His turn. My turn. His turn. My turn. And now I’m high.
So that’s how it started. I sit here feeling sick remembering, wishing above all that none of that happened. It was the start of so much bad in my life. I shake my head totally seeing myself perched on the kitchen stool watching him preparing to send my life into a spiral. No, I’m not sitting here mad at him or blaming him. I was 27 years old – I should have run out of the door.
However, if I had run out the door that day, I wouldn’t be able to sit here and tell you that it does not have to define you or your life. Maybe you are sitting there thinking that meth is so ingrained in you that there is no way you could live life without it. Friend, you were living life without it before you did it for the first time. Remember? Can you remember your life before meth wrapped its chain around you?
There is now a bigger concern for me. In my health class in college, it was revealed that ingesting aluminum foil is believed to call Alzheimer’s disease. When I heard that, I stepped out of class and shook so bad. Something that seemed so harmless just may end up causing me and my family so much heartache later. It could eat at me if I let it, but I can’t. I must live my best now.
Friend, there is LIFE after meth and you don’t have to walk away from it alone. As my relationship with Jesus has grown, I feel so compelled to share with you the hope that you can have and leave meth behind. This is a hope that He has given me. A text I want to share with you is from 2 Corinthians 2:3 and 4, ‘…the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.’
So, friend, consider the future and the promise that it holds. There are multiple resources available to guide you through the path of recovery. I’m still working on my recovery plan that I hope to make available real soon. The technical issues are just about worked at and I’m almost ready to launch. Sometimes a plan is all you need to get started.
Until next time, peace, friend.