Well, being totally naïve and weak, honestly. Of course, I didn’t see myself as naïve and weak at the time, on the contrary, I was with someone who was excited and that I trusted. What? Ok. Let me tell you, because I believe there are a couple of lessons here.
I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist. Even went to Adventist schools including boarding school my junior and senior year (some of the best times of my life). I was comfortable and loved my life, so it’s not like I was sitting around wishing to be ‘part of the world.’ After I graduated high school, I met a young Australian guy who was in the US taking a break from his theology degree back in Aus. He was attending my hometown church and quickly EVERYONE thought that we would make a nice couple. I was swept away with everyone’s dreams and wants for me (who doesn’t want to be a pastor’s wife in Australia, right?). We were met and married in 9 months, and off to Australia I went at the age of 19. Yeah, if you know anything about relationships, you can see red flags all over this story. Needless to say, I didn’t make a very good pastor’s wife.
Four years later I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and came back to the states, back to my home town, and filed for divorce. I landed an excellent job working on the private side of the airport scheduling private jets for a wealthy family. The job was challenging, exciting, and I loved it! Not long after I started, I met a guy who was about 10 years older than me (I was 24) who also worked at the airport (but not in my flight department). We started talking and soon he was taking me out to dinner. He was very interesting, exciting, and so easy to talk to. Mark was fun, funny, and very charming. He rode a Harley and convinced me one day to go for a ride. I FELL IN LOVE INSTANTLY with that bike and Mark. Soon, he was convincing me to live with him (not being married so already I was crossing lines that I knew were wrong and against how I was raised). We had a fantastic time doing everything we did together. He didn’t have kids, I didn’t want kids, and so we road that Harley day and night all over and it was amazing. He lived out of town and I loved his house. Everything was exciting with him.
He was blown away by the fact I had never tasted alcohol, didn’t know what pot was, and didn’t swear. My ears weren’t even pierced until he took me for my 26th birthday. Soon, he brought home a bottle of wine and I tried it – and loved it. Our life together just got more exciting. By this time, I was going to church with my family less and less. It was our second New Year’s together and he said he really wanted to smoke some pot. He got some and I watched in amazement how he rolled these tiny leaves into my first joint. Took a while for me to catch on because I had never smoked anything before (not even cigarettes), but I did like. And our lives together just got more exciting.
Soon after, he told me about something else he wanted to try with me. He said it was super fun and we would have awesome amazing sex with it – better than the sex we were already having. He got so excited telling me about it that my curiosity was definitely pricked. He made a phone call that would change my life.
It was a sunny but bitter cold day when I found myself driving out in the desert on a dirt road. I’m now a little apprehensive about what was going on but Mark assured me that this guy had a hidden ranch in the hills and he was going to meet us half way. All of a sudden there was a beat-up car on the side of the road and a strange looking person standing there waiting for us. He was wild looking but very friendly, and he and Mark greeted each other like long lost friends. Mark got out of our car and they both went over to the guy’s car and I watched in the mirror while the exchange was made. When Mark got back in the car, I couldn’t tell if he was shivering from excitement or from the biting wind.
That night changed my life forever.
I’ll tell you another time about my first time doing meth, how we did it, and what happened after that. But this is about how a pastor’s wife became a meth addict. Because I allowed someone outside of my close church circle into my life. Because I was feeling restless and free after making a decision to leave Australia and my first husband. Because somehow I had lost who I was being swept away by what EVERYONE else thought would be good for me (they had best of intentions, of course). Because I wasn’t educated about things I didn’t have exposure too. Because I had let go of God’s hand.