Picking.. Picking.. Picking..

Confession time – and thought I would give you the opportunity to either relate or shake your head at me in wonder.

As you know, a tweaker will ‘pick’; either at themselves or on someone else. If you were already a ‘picker,’ tweaking just makes the habit ten-times worse. Anyone who knows a tweaker knows that ‘picking’ can be a red-flag that the person is tweaking again. A tweaker can pick at themselves until they are covered in infected sores – and the only way to cure that is to take another hit, right? RIGHT! Good grief, it makes me shake my head thinking about it.

My ‘picking’ issues was with my nails – no, not at my real nails so much but I use to put fake nails on about every two days just to pick them off on the way to work. Nothing drives a tweaker wilder than having something to pick. I would stay up all hours of the night to put fake French nail tips on (messing them up with all the tweaker-shaking, of course), a layer of acrylic that overlapped my skin (more fun to pick off later), and would finish the several hour project about the time the sun was coming up, and it was time to go to work (go ahead and start shaking your head).

I spent so much money on fake nails. I went to every Walgreens, Rite-Aid, Walmart, and every other store that just might have a different nail option and purchased ALL of them (no wonder we couldn’t afford the power bill). Of course, I would sneak and hide my guilty pleasure from Mark but I didn’t have to worry too much about him catching me putting nails on for hours because he was tweaking on something out in the garage all night, so my secrete was safe.

I’d go to work with my new nails only to have them start driving me crazy by lunch because the acrylic and glue was pulling at the skin. Of course, I always had them a little too long so they would catch in my keyboard and annoy me. Then, that evening when I was with the horses, I would give them scratches with my new nails and they would LOVE that, but then under my nails was CAKED with dirt and horse hair. Then of course I that would drive me crazy because I could feel the dirt pressed up against my skin under the nail and by the next morning, I was done.

ALL THE WAY TO WORK I would start picking my nails off. Picking. Picking. Picking. One off. Two off. Three half off. It would drive me insane all day at work with nails half on and half off while I’m trying to type. Four off – with the top layer of my nail. And by the time I got home (remember, I had a 45 minute drive between work and home so I had plenty of time to ‘pick’), I was left with naked, sore, ugly fingers.

So, that night, the nails went back on.

It was crazy now that I look back! No, I don’t do nails anymore unless it’s for a wedding and I just use quick press-on’s. I got rid of my extensive collection of nail stuff over the years and don’t make mad dashes into drug stores to see what nail selection they have. All the craziness is in the past, thank goodness!

Can you relate? Can you relate to that obsessive crazy feeling when you are picking at something. You know, life is so much peaceful without that feeling, and believe it or not, you have a lot more time doing other things like blog and sleeping when you aren’t putting nails on at 2:30am. If this is you – if you are a ‘picker’, life is a lot better without picking. Why don’t you give it a try?

If you are done tweaking and picking, but don’t know where to start, I offer recovery plans and peer mentoring. I’d love to talk to you about the craziness if you need someone to talk to. Visit my pages and let me know what you think.

Til next time, peace.

About Carlee Walker

My name is Carlee and I'm a meth addict. I've been clean for nine years and celebrating normal life. Yes, a meth addict can have a normal life and the addiction can be like a scar on the knee. AND you don't have to face your addiction alone! Jesus has already promised to help us if we just call on Him - and my life is now fulfilling thanks to Him. Come, journey with me. Share with me. Grow with me. Together, we can celebrate normal life.