I’m going to do my best to open the door of what an addict experiences in coming down, directly from an addict’s perspective. I’ve briefly described it before in my some of my other blog posts (feet and eye lids feel like cement, too tired to get up to eat, etc.), but there is more to know. I hope this helps an addict know that I completely understand how it feels to come down, and let a family member or a friend understand a little more exactly what is happening in the coming down process.
Look, it isn’t fun.
Best way of describing how it feels when coming down from meth is to first tell you how good it feels to be high on meth. There is nothing like it! It makes you FEEL GREAT! The best you’ve ever felt! You feel strong, exciting, and invincible. Physically, it makes you feel AMAZING and add that to the fact that you lose weight without even trying is friggin WONDERFUL! The never-ending ENERGY is fantastic! You can do physical things you never thought you could. You feel like you can get a million things done in a day. In fact, so many mundane tasks are fun and exciting after a little bump of meth. The mental high is also a major plus. You can feel outgoing and witty. It seems like you can think of all these wonderful and exciting ideas and since you have all this energy, you can DO THEM! Another plus, since you don’t sleep at night, you have a whole BUNCH of extra hours to get even more done! Not all the 5-Hour Energy drinks in the world can make you feel as good as a meth high. Coffee is like water. Who wouldn’t want to feel this way?
(Trust me, we’ll get into the lies that lay underneath all that feeling good – the reality of meth.)
That’s why it’s so easy to hide meth from the people around you. At first, everyone who knows you might think that you are just always in a good mood and have lots of energy. It’s when the addiction starts taking over that your world falls apart; and all you seek is to maintain that amazing high because you’ve adopted it as part of you. As far as you’re concern, it is now YOU.
Before purposefully quitting meth, I believe most addicts go through an ‘accidental coming down; meaning either the dealer ran out, couldn’t get enough money for a bag, lost connection – usually one of those. You weren’t planning on experiencing the crash but all of a sudden, you find yourself trying to survive without it. And that’s when you get your first taste of darkness and that when you realize you don’t ever want to feel that EVER again.
Coming down from meth makes you feel THE EXACT OPPOSITE of the high. It makes you feel worse than you have ever felt sick. You feel HORRIBLE – some people even get really sick. You feel weak, dull, and broken. After you start eating again, it’s amazing how quickly you start putting weight on. You are so weak that lifting your head off the pillow is more work than you can do. Moving seems impossible. Your feet feel like they are encased in cement. Your skin hurts. Your bones hurt. You head feels hollow. You have no energy to even make it to the bathroom. Everything is so dull that you feel like you can barely form a thought. Talking is EXHAUSTING. You go from not sleeping for days to sleeping for days. You have s bad eating habits while high and the weight continued to fall off but if you carry those same diet habits after coming down, the weight will layer on. Your self-esteem is crushed and depression easily takes over.
And the HUGE problem is you KNOW for a FACT that all you need is a little bump and all these horrible feelings will disappear. Just a little bump is all. And that is practically all you can think about. ALL YOU NEED TO FIX THIS HORRIBLE FEELING IS JUST A LITTLE BUMP OF METH.
Does each day clean get better? Yeah, physically in some ways but then mentally the self-abuse begins. Every day is a fight within to maintain or do a bump and feel better. All you want to do is feel better and since you KNOW what will make that happen and you are denying yourself that, it’s an inward battle. (Don’t get discouraged – IT DOES GET BETTER – I’ll get into that).
You’ve never felt so bad and alone all at the same time. Most people around you might not know that you are an addict and feeling so horrible and not being able to tell them why is mentally draining. All of your ‘power’ is gone and you feel weak, useless, and drained. The hardest part is that life continues around you when you are floundering in the darkness unable to move. The clock continues to turn and the world continues to go on. Your responsibilities await, unpaid bills sit and cause massive stress, work is missed and the job is put on the line, and appointments are missed. It’s overwhelming to me as I remember all of this when I was coming down.
There is a lot more to say about this because yes, speaking from experience, you can again feel the best you’ve ever felt. I just wanted to paint a picture of the polar opposite physical and mental ordeal an addict goes through when coming down. I hope a family member of an addict can read this and can now see through a window into the addict’s turmoil when faced with coming down. So, stay tuned. We are only scratching the service.
“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10.