This is a new tag for me; ‘things I did while tweaking’. The purpose of this tag is continue my plight to bare all, make the tweaker smile at the odd things they have done while tweaking, and help some families/friends with throwing up a red flag if they witness some odd behavior. Because, honestly, I’d never do any of this stuff straight!
Mark and I had built the horse barn of our dreams; complete with arena, shed-row, and tack room – EVERYTHING WE EVER WANTED carved right out of the desert. And did it all tweaking.
It was one of the most exciting times of my life. It was the biggest dream come true for me and we did have a lot of good times planning and building. We were tweaking hard with our dealer/friend when we rented a backhoe and cleared the spot behind our house for the horses. We were tweaking hard when we dug the holes for the posts, and tweaked hard while we cemented the poles into place. We were tweaking hard as we lined up our pipe corral. We were tweaking hard the cold January morning when we brought the horses’ home. It was one of the best days ever.
But, of course, the beauty of this time was marred by tweaking fights. One of the best things that Mark ever tweaked on was putting up HUGE lights in the arena area that were on remote control. When we would get into one of our huge fights, or I’d be tweaked out so hard that I couldn’t stay in the house any more, I would go outside – ALL TIMES OF NIGHT/MORNING – and start de-rocking the arena. What? Yeah, we lived in the desert and we had a lot of rocks so I would be out there picking up rocks and throwing them to the edge of the area, just to pick up and throw again through the fence. The lights would be blazing away in the dark and I would be out there sure that I was going to get rid of every rock in that whole arena with my brain just storming tweaker thoughts. I’d be throwing wildly and would missile them into the pipe corral with a HUGE bang – yeah, in the middle of the night. Good grief, what did the neighbors think?
For months, I threw rocks. I shake my head looking back. I was on such a mission and was so proud that my arena for my horses was smooth dirt. I thought I was accomplishing so much – and I was – but did it need to be done in the middle of the night with lights blazing on me? Probably not. But it was one of the most productive things I ever did tweaking. After throwing rocks in the middle of the night, I would go in the house and put my fake nails back on.
What a waste of time! What a waste of valuable energy! Actually, it’s embarrassing now that I think about it. But now that I’ve lost all of that, it leaves me humbled and grateful for what I do have.
Well, that’s all behind me now. The only time you’ll see me up in the middle of the night is to go potty and to tuck a kid in.
Remember, meth is a chain you think grips you but you grip it. LET IT GO! Rejoin the living and a life of a good night’s sleep. You have a God who is waiting to give you the strength to let go of the chain, and there is plenty of support out there to carry you through. Friend, life is so much better free from meth!
Til next time – Peace.
PS. Stop throwing rocks in the middle of the night.